The Facts

Almond butter has been the worst of the butters for quite some time now. We have compiled some of the most up-to-date data regarding the abominable spread.

Table Data

Through extensive research and study, I have been able to create a chart that effectively represents the positive attributes of almond butter versus other nut spreads. Take a look below and see what conclusions you can make.

Butter vs. Attributes Peanut Butter Cookie Butter Nutella Almond Butter
Delicious Taste Yes Yes Yes No
Low Cost Yes Yes No No
Healthy Yes No No Yes
Swimming in Oil No No No Yes

As you can see here, peanut butter obviously reigns supreme in comparison to other butters. Almond butter, on the other hand, is inferior in literally every other way. It doesn’t have a delicious taste, costs so much more than the other spreads, and is swimming in oil upon purchase. Its only redeeming attribute is that it is healthy; but if for half of the price you could get peanut butter, why not buy peanut butter?

Testimonials

Here are what some notable people have said about almond butter:

“Almond butter is an abomination, a step backward in human innovation.” - Abraham Lincoln, 1865

“Who invented this stuff? Seriously, who hates people that much?” - Ghandi, 1915

“Our goal in life is to seek inner peace and love for others. That, to avoid almond butter at all costs.” - Dalai Lama, 2019